Where to start…
The reality is this. Where does one start on the path to bettering themselves? I have never been one to have much motivation. I have always looked at people who have a passion and direction in life with “emerald eyes.” I have often wondered: Why is it that they know what they want in life and I don’t?
While in high school I never thought of the future. This is not strange for someone in high school though. Most of us were preoccupied with having fun with our friends and creating memories for a lifetime. Who wouldn’t prefer to hang out with their best friends in an attic bedroom playing pool until the wee hours of the morning while singing at the top of their lungs to their favorite music of the day? The difference is that when we were not hanging out, they were thinking of where they wanted to go in life and I was sitting at home oblivious to the possibilities.
So here I am. Seven years out of school and, until now, lost. I say “until now” because I have decided that I am no longer happy with life as it is. The knowledge that I am destined for bigger and better things, as cliché as it may be, has always been with me. I currently work for a major retail company that just doesn’t fit me. Not to sound immodest but I am better than this. When I look around my place of work I see so many things that make no sense. I am almost at the bottom of the totem pole and believe me they make it feel that way. I know that if I chose to I could go further in this corporation but it just doesn’t feel right. I could decide to enter into the management training. I can see myself doing the job of many of those above me but the idea of it feels hollow to me.
In the last few years I have grown progressively unhappy with my work. More and more responsibilities are removed thus rendering me a glorified “greeter” for lack of a better word. I help people all day but there is nothing to keep me busy if there is a lull in business. I see my work ethic being stripped away with each passing day without direction. It is for these reasons that I have decided to further my education. I am years late compared to most but this idea ignites something in me that I have never felt before. I still don’t know what I want to do but I have decided that it doesn’t matter right now. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step and that is what I am doing. The realization came to me slowly but I am glad it has. I don’t need to know what I am going to do yet. Nothing will ever happen if the first step is not taken.
To that end I have decided to begin with certification classes. I will start with something that will give me more options in life to have a job I like or, at the very least, something to make more money with until I know where I want to be. As much as I wish it, I do not have the time or the money to devote myself to being a full time student. This is where the problem comes in. As much as I may dislike my job I still need it to survive. I am not only supporting myself but I am supporting my partner as well. He is unable to work due to back problems so the pittance I receive for work is all we have to live with. This is the other driving factor. I feel that I need to make more for us. Working where I work does not provide the monetary necessities let alone the satisfaction I need.
So where does one start this journey of a thousand miles? I wish I could throw myself into this but it takes time to get things in line and I am impatient. It has taken me so long to get to this point that I don’t want to wait for fear of losing this feeling. This decision will change my life and I am ready for it. The real question is:
How long do I have to wait?
